Prologue Sunday, February 21, 1926-10:30 P.M. The room was dark, except for one silvery ray of moonlight. An icy wind slipped in through the open window, swept around the room, and caressed her with chilling fingertips. She came to with a start. The darkness shocked her. The silence told her she was alone. How long had she lain there? Her hands had been folded across her chest. She felt throbbing spurts of warm liquid spilling onto her breasts, drenching the soft cotton of her nightgown. And she sensed the approach of that final darkness. The urge to close her eyes, to give in, was overwhelming. The room seemed to revolve. Slowly. Her eyelids drooped. An inner voice asked: Are you really going to lie there...and bleed to death? Her eyes snapped open. No. At first, her hands seemed mercifully numb. But within minutes, the pain had grown more pronounced. Soon, it was agonizingly refined. The tortured nerve endings in her slashed wrists screamed with voices that echoed inside her, quickening and clarifying her thoughts. I have to get help. She tried to move her legs, but they were like logs, heavy and inert. Find another way. Pressing her elbows to her side, she twisted her upper torso and rocked back and forth. Her body rolled once, twice, then over the edge. The bed was high; the fall was hard. She landed with a heavy thump and for a moment lay stunned. Her heart pounded; her thoughts struggled for clarity. There was no way she could use her hands. They were half-dead clumps of flesh. But her legs had been jolted back to life. Elbows still pressed to her side, she rolled over onto her chest, drew her knees up under her, then pushed herself up with her elbows. Leaning on the mattress to brace herself, she could stand. The effort cost her. She sagged against a bedpost. Trying to hold on, she threw her forearms around the carved wooden beam. Her limp hands dangled, dripping their warm liquid. Cold sweat slipped down from her forehead and upper lips. The darkness crept nearer. Time had played a trick on her. She wasn't in the house on Strivers' Row, but elsewhere. The air didn't smell of jasmine and tobacco, but of the sea. She was in the Hamptons, in Nella's house. There came the sound of a life-and-death struggle, a gunshot. She again saw a pair of dead, staring eyes. "No," she whispered. "No. I won't let you do this." She held on and the darkness receded. She knew where she was. She could make out the shapes of furniture by the moonlight -- could even see her own shadow as she clung to the bedpost. But she felt seasick, as if she were clinging to the mast of a swaying boat. Her stomach heaved and she bent over, vomiting on herself and the bed. She clung to the bedpost as another wave of dizziness passed over her, then straightened up with a moan. Wiping her mouth with the back of her forearm, she smeared her face with blood. Time's running out. She could make it to the bedroom door. Fifteen steps. That's all it would take. But she hesitated. She did not know what -- or more accurately, who -- might be waiting for her on the other side. In a bizarre way, her bedroom meant safety. She heard a thump. Her heart lurched. Was it a footstep in the hallway -- or just the house settling on its foundation? She swallowed and took a deep breath. She would have to make it down the stairs, creeping along with the help of the banister, then make it into the parlor before she could reach the telephone. If she fainted along the way, on the steps or at the parlor entrance, then... No, not the door. What then? An icy breeze stroked her cheek. The open window. Get to it. Scream. Call out -- that's the way to go. She counted backward from three, focusing her energy. At zero, she let go of the bedpost and took a step toward the window. Her legs were weak and shaky. Her knees trembled, but they didn't buckle. She took another tottering step. And another. That window had never seemed so far away; her body never so unwilling. She was nearly across the room when it happened. She tripped over the hem of her gown and toppled forward. Her head hit the corner of an antique linen chest. A sharp pain lanced through her skull and the moonlight, dim as it was, grew dimmer. No, not now. Please, not now. But her vision blurred and the light grew duskier. She lifted her head a wobbly inch or two, her eyelids drooped and her head sagged to the floor. She might have drifted away permanently if it hadn't been for the wailing scream of a racing police siren. The sound expanded in the air, ballooned inside her head, until it seemed to explode inside her skull. She lay blinking in the dark, telling herself it was all a bad dream. But the cold floor under her face was real. So was the blood that had congealed and crusted on her face and arms and chest. She was awake and she had to get going. She didn't know how much blood she'd lost, but she assumed she'd lost a great deal. If she passed out again, she wouldn't wake up. She was too weak to stand again, so she half-crawled, half-dragged herself across the floor. An eternity passed before she reached the base of that window. She rested, panting, and looked up. The casement sill was little more than a yard above her head, but it might as well have been a mile. Her head throbbed. Her heart knocked. She wanted to sit and be still. Get to that windowsill. Find the strength. Curling up, she leaned one shoulder against the wall and inched her way up. It was taking forever. She was swimming up from way down deep. She held her breath, struggling against a vicious, relentless, downward pull. Clear droplets of agony slipped down from her temples. Would she ever reach the surface? Then she was up. Fully upright. She leaned into a blast of frigid air. It cut to the bone, but it felt good. So very good! To be standing. To be at the window. To still be alive. Pushing aside a porcelain vase on the windowsill, she flopped down on the narrow ledge and looked out. The small dark street seemed empty. No! There has to be someone. Please, Lord, let there be someone. Help me this once, damn it. I'm begging you, begging you to help me. Now! She noticed a light shining in a second-floor window across the way. "Help! Help!" she screamed, but the wind, merry and malicious, kissed the words from her mouth and whipped them away. "Pleeease! Some body! Any body! HELP MEEEE!" Again the wind, ever careless and cruel, swallowed the sounds of her pleading, took them so fast she barely heard them herself. She pushed herself to hang out the window. Down the street to her left was a man walking his Doberman. He was stooped with age and bundled against the cold; his cap jammed down over his ears. "Hey, mister! Mister, please! Up here! Send help! Please, mister, please!" The man did not respond but the dog paused, perked up his ears, and howled. The wind that swept her words away served up the dog's mournful wails with mocking efficiency. "Please! I don't wanna die! I DON'T WANNA DIE!" The dog barked harder, louder, belting agitated yowls that rode the hellish gusts of wind up and down the street. Hope pulsed through her. The Doberman pulled on his leash, strained in her direction. The dog's owner yanked him back. He cuffed him on the nose. And dragged him off down the street. Away from her. "NO!!!" Her elbow touched the vase. She turned without thinking and gave it a shove that sent it plunging out the window. She watched it turn and tumble as if in slow motion, saw it crash and explode into minute pieces. She looked down. Had they heard? They were gone. So quickly. Gone. As though they'd never been there. Her legs gave out. She crumpled to the floor, her outstretched arms smearing trails of blood on the wall. Her head sagged. "Oh, God...no," she wept. "Don't let this happen. This can't happen." Then she felt the curtains. Made of lightweight silk, they billowed about her face, as familiar, as gentle, cool, and caressing as a loved one's touch. She closed her eyes. An eerie calm crept over her. Odd, how the pain was receding. If only she could rest. Sleep. No! She wanted to live, to hold on. She loved life. She refused to let it slip away. Not like this. Not while she was young. Not when she finally...had nearly everything... But the darkness was getting hard to fight. She had never felt so tired. Her inhalations grew fainter. Her eyes slid shut. From behind her closed eyelids, she saw her inner lights fade individually, felt herself float away, bit by precious bit, as her blood-starved organs shut down, one after another. She was about to die and she knew it. Summoning her strength, she raised her face to bathe it in the moonlight. She held it there with stubborn determination for several exquisite seconds. Then her last inner light faded and with a moan she slumped down, a bloody but still beautiful corpse gazing blindly at the bleak night sky. Copyright © 2000, 2002 by Persia Walker Chapter 1: The Lost Son Returns Lilian's older brother had been away for years, but he had altered little, at least on the surface. He was thirty-five. Silver already touched his temples, but his hair was otherwise still dark and thick. Quite tall and lean, he had an oval face and clear olive skin with a strong fine profile. He had retained the lustrous dark eyes that had melted many a feminine resistance. Time had magnified their eloquence. Maturity had deepened them and experience saddened them. He was aware of his effect on women, but he tended toward solitude, and though he enjoyed female company, he always feared that in the end, a woman would ask for more than he could give. Or worse, that he would give all he had, then see her pull away in disappointment and leave him. Well-built and poised, David McKay had a reputation for dressing well with tasteful understatement. His clothes were of excellent quality, but close inspection would have shown them to be worn. There were no holes or tatters, hanging threads or missing buttons, but the clothes, like the man, gave off an intangible air of fatigue. Even so, he was usually the handsomest man in any crowd. That day, his dark gray cashmere coat was buttoned high against the early spring chill. He wore his fedora tipped low to one side, just enough to cast a shadow, but not enough to hide the sad gleam in his eye. Like his sister, David preferred to stay out of the limelight. But his air of quiet distinction was noticeable to even the most casual observer. It was all the more evident that chilly March Thursday because of the mute pain in his eyes. The early evening's dusky skies emphasized his pallor. Sorrow had grayed his complexion. Tension had cut furrows into his handsome face. He was bone-weary. From shock, grief, and lack of sleep. His sister was dead and buried some three weeks, but he had only learned of it the day before. He had forgotten much of the past twenty-four hours. The last moment he did recall was when he got that note while eating lunch at his desk in Philadelphia, that telegram summoning him home. He had an excellent memory. It could be useful, but there were times when it absorbed information he would have rather forgotten. The words to that telegram, for example, would remain etched in his memory until the day he died. It had turned his world upside down. When he left his law office to head home and pack, he was as disoriented as a man who suddenly finds himself walking on the ceiling. Lilian was a part of him. It was nearly impossible to accept that she was gone. He swung between anguish and numbness. His mind struggled to accept her death even as his heart rejected it. Her presence hovered in the air about him, a gentle warmth that carried a hint of the light powdery perfume she wore. Whenever he looked at a crowd, he thought he saw her face. It had never occurred to him that Lilian might die. He had not seen her in four years, but he had always been able to visualize her writing poetry at her desk or reading a newspaper before the parlor fireplace. Those images had comforted him. He had summoned them in times of doubt. Lilian: stable, dependable, clearheaded, and never changing. Whether she agreed with his life choices or not, she had been there for him. It wasn't only her death that stunned him; there was the manner of it: The telegram said she had committed suicide. When had Lilian's life become so unbearable that death seemed to offer the only relief? And why? She had mailed him a letter on the first of every month for some two years, starting in January 1923. Her letters had never reflected dissatisfaction with her life. They were always warm, colorful missives, filled with innocuous but witty gossip or news about her writing career. Her letters had arrived with efficient regularity until a year ago, in March 1925, and then ended abruptly. He told himself now that he should have become worried at her sudden silence. He should have made inquiries. That last letter had begged him to return home. He hadn't answered it. Now he longed for one more chance to hug her, to tell her how proud he was of her, to confess and explain the unexplainable. But he would never have an opportunity to do that -- never. And that stunned him. Struggling to confront the inescapable, he tried in vain to reconcile the immense contradiction between her dramatic death and her deep devotion to discretion during life. She was a proud, gentle woman, known for her exquisite discipline, delicate tastes, and exceptionally even temperament. Were someone to ever write her life story, a most likely title would be Pride of Place. She was a reclusive person, raised with a deeply ingrained awareness of her responsibilities toward her family, her class, and her race -- in that order. A conscientious conformist, she strove to keep her name synonymous with propriety, refinement, and perfect manners. She scrupulously guarded her privacy and avoided contact with anyone whose behavior might attract inappropriate attention. It was a horrible irony that the most private of all acts -- the act of dying -- had made her the source of tabloid scandal. He had lost all sense of time during the train ride from Philadelphia. Fear had lengthened the trip into an eternity. And fear had shortened it, propelling him toward his destination much too quickly. He had gotten hold of a copy of the New York Times, but neither the latest corruption tales involving the Democratic Party machine at Tammany Hall nor the political circus of the Sacco-Vanzetti case could distract him. His terrorized mind fought to stave off the coming appointment with his very personal reality. A vague protective hope that some terrible mistake had been made rode with him, kept him company the entire way, but this false friend abandoned him the moment his train pulled into Manhattan. That was less than an hour ago. Now he stood on the doorstep of his family home on Harlem's elegant Strivers' Row, deeply disoriented, his one suitcase at his side, and it seemed that the family maid was the only person there to greet him. But the sight of her loved and familiar face warmed him. Annie Williams's wizened face lit up when she saw him. Her hands went to her cheeks and her dark eyes widened in surprise. "Mr. David? Is it you? Is it really you?" David gave a barely perceptible nod and the whisper of a smile. He sensed her astonishment melt into joy, momentarily eclipsing her grief, and felt the knot in his chest loosen. God, how he'd missed her. She'd been there as long as he could remember. His eyes went over her. She was ginger-brown, like her favorite spice, a thin, wiry woman of strength surprising in someone her size and age. She was in her late fifties. Most of the time, she appeared younger, but mourning for Lilian had taken its toll. Her eyes were sunken and ringed by circles of dark gray. He wrapped his strong arms around her in a hug. Her soft breath buffeted his ears as she whispered gratitude to God for having answered her prayers. Finally, she stepped back, swiped at her tearful eyes with her apron, and took a good look at him. "Where you been, Mr. David? We sure did miss you. Coulda used you 'round here." "Movement business," he said, glancing away. "It was so horrible when you didn't come back. We thought you was dead and gone. Nobody seemed t'know nothin'. Them Movement people even offered a reward. But they just gotta lot a kooks writin' in. Nothin' worthwhile. 'Magine, Miss Lilian knowin' where you was all the time. I ain't faultin' her for not sayin' nothin' -- I'm sure she had her reasons, but -- " He managed a small smile and looked at her. "I asked her to be discreet." "Well then, I guess I can't say nothin' -- but it sure woulda lifted a coupla hearts t'know you was all right." She ushered him into the house. Until that moment, he'd wondered if he would actually manage to set foot in it again, but with her to welcome him it wasn't so difficult. I'm acting like a child, he thought. And like a child, he let her ease off his coat. She brushed her hand over it and hung it in the vestibule closet. "I was goin' through Miss Lilian's things after the fun'ral. That's when I found your address. I wish I'da known where you was before. Maybe it woulda made a diff'rence. Then again, maybe not. I just know I sure is glad you here. I'm so glad you come back." Her eyes went over him devotedly. It had been years since he'd seen so much love for him in anyone's face. He walked into her arms. They held one another again and it was hard to tell who was comforting whom. In her own way, Annie had helped raise him and his twin sisters, Lilian and Gem. She'd seen them through their first loves and first heartaches. She'd rejoiced with them when they won school prizes and comforted them when they lost. He knew that she was as proud of the McKay children as she would've been of her own. As she hugged him, her flat, spade-like hands patted him on the back. Like I'm a child, he thought. And I'm glad of her comfort, like a child. All these years of living away, and the moment I return here, I'm -- "C'mon, Mr. David. Let me fix you somethin' t'eat." He nodded and followed her as she led him down the corridor. She moved with unfamiliar slowness, as though the weight of her years were bricks on her back. Her left shoulder was a tad bit higher than the other from a slight curvature of the spine he hadn't noticed before, and she walked with a slightly perceptible limp. He did not remember her being so frail, so worn. What else had changed? He cocked an ear. He didn't know what he was listening for, but he knew what he heard: Emptiness. No sounds of life, of love or laughter. Just a roaring emptiness that fills every nook and cranny. A hollow silence that echoes every thought, every heartbeat. He looked around, at the paintings on the walls, the flower-bedecked tables that lined the hallway. All seemed familiar, yet remote. His eyes knew what to expect, but none of the sights seemed to touch his heart. He was detached and distant and it reassured him to feel that way. This is like a place I only dreamed of. But then his gaze fell on the dark gleaming door to the left of the library. This was the door that had guarded the heart of the house. This was the door that had haunted his childhood dreams and even now -- His breath caught; his shoulders rode up. He counted his steps and kept his eyes straight ahead. The hallway seemed to twist and lengthen. It was taking an eternity to cross that door. Every footfall echoed in the thudding of his heartbeat. Finally, they were past the door, beyond it. The hallway snapped back into shape. He exhaled. They entered the kitchen. It was warm and comforting, familiar in its rich mixture of smells. His joints were stiff after the long train ride. He eased himself down into a chair at the kitchen table and let his tired eyes drift over the spotless room: up to the clock on the wall, down to the gas stove, the enameled sink and the refrigerator. His breathing slowed. How many meals have been prepared in here... This kitchen was Annie's domain. She'd made it her own, made it a place for more than just physical nourishment. Annie's kitchen was a source of warmth, a place for truthful conversations. It was a place to break down and weep or bust out with a big laugh, to be temporarily free from concern about what was or was not becoming in a colored family of status. Never before had he been so intensely aware of the role Annie's kitchen had played in his life. Never before had he so envied the boy he'd been. She moved about the room, singing softly to herself. He watched her go about boiling water and heating something in a pot on the stove. Nothing more was said as the contents of the pot simmered. In a short time, she placed a cup of black coffee and a deep bowl of rich vegetable soup before him. She went to the pantry and fetched him bread and butter. He ate in silence. For a while, the only sound was the clink of his spoon scraping against the side of his bowl. She poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down at the table across from him. He felt her eyes dwell on him with affection. He could imagine what she thought she saw: a good man possessed of a kind and compassionate nature, a man who performed brave deeds. He could imagine her talking to her friends. He could just hear her describing how it was before he went away. "Always so nicely dressed in his deb'nair British suits. Never a hair outta place, shirts perfectly pressed, razor-sharp crease in his pants, black shoes so shiny you could see your face in 'em. 'Fine David McKay,' the young ladies used t'call 'im. Them girls was crazy 'bout my David, with his soft hair. But David never had no time for any of 'em. He was too busy studyin'. Wanted to be a lawyer. That's what he done, too. After he come back from the war, he went off to Howard University an' got hisself a fine ed'cation. Then he got a job with the Movement. They sent 'im on down south. He went t'get t'the truth b'hind them lynchin's. It's dang'rous work, goin' down t'them there hot spots. Those ol' crackers would just as soon lynch a colored man as look at 'im. That was back in '22. There sure was a lot t'keep a colored lawyer busy back then. Still is. Sad to say, there still is." David thought about a little town in Georgia and his brief sense of well-being vanished. A chill touched his soul. He'd virtually disappeared after joining the Movement. He had kept his whereabouts secret from all but Lilian. He looked at Annie. Had she read his letters? No, it wasn't likely. She was inquisitive, but she could be trusted to respect private matters. Furthermore, he'd been careful to keep his letters lean. Finishing his soup, he laid his spoon and napkin neatly to one side. Silence permeated the room, thick and waiting. His mind was filled with questions. So many questions. They mobbed his mind like grief-stricken relatives clamoring around an accident scene, all seeking the impossible, the essentially unattainable -- an explanation, an answer, a satisfying solution to that one question survivors are always driven to ask: Why? "What happened?" he asked. "What brought her down?" Annie wrapped her hands around her coffee cup. It was old and chipped. He realized with a start that the cup was the one he'd given her as a Christmas present when he was ten years old. He'd spent all of his first allowance on it. "I don't know if I can give you the answers you need, Mr. David. I seen a lot in this house, and I got my thoughts. But they's just the notions of an old woman." He'd never known her to lie or bite her tongue when the truth needed telling. "It's me, Annie. Whatever you want to say, however you want to say it, just go ahead." She looked away, out the window, where a couple walked past pushing a baby carriage. The young husband said something and his wife gave a high-pitched giggle. Inside the kitchen, it was quiet, so quiet that David could hear the sound of his own breathing. He waited. He could be patient. As a lawyer, he'd learned to be patient. Her eyes swung back to his. Do you really want to know? she seemed to ask. Yes, he thought. I want to know. "I need to know," he said. Her roughened hands trembled. "Well...a lot's done happened since you been gone, Mr. David...an awful lot." Her words pierced him. "Go on," he whispered, his voice suddenly hoarse and tight and unwilling. "I don't know where to start. It's hard when I think back on all I seen and heard." Her voice trailed off. "Miss Gem come back for a while -- " "Gem is here?" "No, she gone. Been gone. She didn't stay long. Just long enough t'try t'cause trouble." An expression of disapproval flitted across her face. "Anyway, she left again after a few months. And ain't nobody heard nothin' from her since Miss Lilian died." "Does she know?" "She should. I sent a tel'gram. She never sent no answer. Never showed her face. I don't know what t'make of it. Nobody does." He had his own opinions on the matter, but he kept them to himself. "Go on." "Well, that young Miss Rachel -- you know she was gone for a while -- well, she come back, too." His heart gave a little twist. He kept his face unmoved. "And then...as for Miss Lilian..." Annie paused. "Yes?" "She got ill. Her mind went. And ain't none of the doctors knowed how t'help her." Annie folded her hands together. "But I'm gettin' ahead of myself. The biggest change, the one I'd better begin with, is how Miss Lilian up and got married." David's eyelids raised involuntarily, then lowered like shutters yanked down over a dark window. Married. He shivered and wondered at his own reaction. Surely news of a marriage was to be welcomed. It was also to be shared. Why didn't she tell me? She never once wrote a word about it, not even dropped a hint. All those letters of pretended openness. By saying nothing, she lied. He was suddenly furious. And instantly ashamed. How could he be angry with the dead? "I wondered if she'd written and told you," Annie said. "Didn't think she had. She didn't tell nobody." "You mean she eloped?" "It'll be exactly two years ago next month. She kissed him in March, married him in April. Knowed him for one month. Met him at a fancy-dress dinner them civil rights folks at Black Arrow magazine had down at the Civic Club. You musta heard 'bout it." Yes...The dinner had caused a lot of talk. It was widely written about in the Negro press. The dinner introduced the cream of Harlem's black literary crop to influential white publishers. It was held at the Civic Club because the Fifth Avenue restaurant was the only classy New York club that admitted patrons regardless of color or gender. It was the perfect meeting place for distinguished black intellectuals and eminent white liberals. As a writer and editor at the Black Arrow, Lilian would have been there. He loosened his collar. What kind of man had finally elicited Lilian's love? She had made female friends quickly and maintained them easily, but men she had kept at a cool distance. "So who was the lucky guy?" "His name is Sweet, Mr. Jameson Sweet. He's gone on business. He'll be back Sunday. Maybe you know him? He works for the Movement, too." A light flickered in David's deep-set eyes. Regret, anxiety, and fear rumbled like freight trains through his chest. He had known he was taking a risk in returning, but the danger was closer to home than he had anticipated. He felt Annie watching him, her eyes quick with intuitive intelligence, and forced himself to remain calm. He must take care. She was as gentle as a dove, but as sly as a fox. "Mr. David, I got your old room waitin' for you," she was saying softly. "I gave it a good goin' over when I knew you was comin'." "No, it's better if I stay in a hotel." "This is your home." Not anymore, he wanted to say. "It's better if I go. I can't stay long, no way -- " "Oh, but you got t'stay." He gazed at her. "No, Annie. I've got business down in Philadelphia -- " "You got business here, too. Fam'ly business." "Annie -- " "Miss Lilian's gone and Miss Gem's 'cross the ocean. I'm just an ol' woman and I got no say. You the only one left t'set things straight." His eyes narrowed. "Set what straight?" She measured her words. "Mr. David, you and I, we both know...well, we both know that things ain't always the way they seem." She looked at him as though that explained it all. It didn't. As far as he was concerned, it most definitely didn't. "Yes...and?" Her expression became somewhat impatient. "Mr. David, I'll put it as simple as I can. More than one fox got into this chicken coop while you was gone." "You mean Lilian's husband -- " "I mean he's sittin' pretty in this here house, real pretty." A pause, then: "Just what kind of man is he?" "A hard man, a determined man. And he ain't the sharin' kind." She reached across the table and laid a firm hand on his wrist. "Now Miss Lilian never meant for this here house to pass outta the fam'ly. You know that." What she said was true. This beautiful house had been his father's pride, the crowning glory of a lifetime. A stately, turn-of-the-century Italianate building on tree-lined 139th Street, it boasted twelve rooms, casement windows, and iron filigreed balconies. Set on Strivers' Row, with its air of manicured exclusivity, the house was a monument to Augustus McKay's real estate acumen. It was a coveted symbol of the McKay family's status among Harlem's elite -- and a lightning rod for the hate and envy of others. "Mr. David, you can't be willin' t'give up your daddy's house -- just like that." Annie snapped her fingers. "You can't be." He gazed steadily at her for a long time. She meant well, but she didn't know. How could she? He had forfeited the right to call the house his home. He was in no moral position to reclaim his birthright. He doubted he ever would be. The small jaw muscles on either side of his face began to bunch. He had but one question. "Did he hurt her?" "Things...like I said...ain't always the way they seem." He considered the matter. "I'll stay until I've talked to Sweet. Maybe he and I can reach some agreement." She leaned toward him, her eyes burning. "Mr. David, it's time for you t'take your place. Here. You got a point t'make. Make it now. Later might be too late." She led him up the stairway, humming a spiritual as she climbed. She moved slowly, but he moved even slower. His suitcase seemed to grow heavier with every step. Part of him was relieved. He had been waiting for this summons for a long time. The night before, he had dreamed that by returning home, he would be walking into a trap, that his family, Strivers' Row, Harlem -- they were all bundled together -- would swallow him, smother him. He had seen mocking phantoms, knowing smiles, and pointing fingers. Tossing and turning, he had entangled himself in his bedcovers, ripping the sheets as he struggled to break free. When he'd finally jerked upright, he was panting and disoriented, drenched in cold sweat. He'd stared blindly into the dark, his agitated heartbeat thudding in his ears. He had known he couldn't run forever. Known he would be summoned back. Someday. Somehow. "It's so nice t'have you back, Mr. David." Annie swung open his bedroom door and led him into the room. "I freshened it up for you real nice." She offered to unpack his bag for him, but he shook his head. He watched tensely as she bustled about, plumping pillows that had already been plumped, smoothing a bedspread that had already been smoothed. Then she glided past him with a warm smile and was gone, drawing the door closed behind her, leaving him alone with his ghosts. He understood what people meant when they spoke of time standing still. The room seemed to be exactly as he had left it. Even the extra pair of navy blue socks he had laid out but forgotten on the dresser top was still there. He left his suitcase by the door, crossed the room, and yanked his closet door open. It too was as he had left it: empty, except for an old black suit and his army uniform. He stroked the lapels of the army greatcoat and fingered a cuff. It had been seven long years since the war. Since the Hell Fighters marched up Fifth Avenue. Since the city had given a dinner in their honor. Damn, we were so proud then, so proud. And so hopeful. To think of all the dreams we dreamt... Faces of the men he'd known flashed before him. Joshua Lewis, Ritchie Conway, Bobby Raymond...He'd lost contact with all of them. He would have liked to believe that most had fared well, but from what he'd seen since returning in 1919, he doubted it. A week after coming back, his best friend, Daniel Jefferson, had died while still in uniform, and it was an American mob, not a German soldier, that killed him. Danny had had the temerity to tell a white woman in Alabama that he was a man who had fought for his country and deserved better than to be called "boy." He was dead within the hour. The war over there was nothing -- nothing compared to the one over here. David fingered his medal, still pinned to the front of his jacket. He had won the French Croix de Guerre for facing down a German raiding party on his own. Medals are for heroes, he thought, heroes... and dropped his hand from the medal as though it suddenly burned him. His eyes moved to the black jacket. June 1921. His father: an old man, propped up by thick pillows, dying from tuberculosis; an old man with a grasp of iron and a will of steel. "You go finish up at Howard. Be somebody. Make a difference and fight the good fight. And always, always protect your sisters." Then there was his father's funeral service at Saint Philip's Episcopal. As befitting a man of Augustus McKay's social and financial stature, the service was weighty, dignified. An impressive convoy of expensive cars accompanied his coffin to the cemetery. Afterward, there was a small gathering at the house "for the right people." When the last guest was gone, David and Lilian huddled near one another on the parlor sofa, sharing a pot of tea, relieved at the quiet. Gem flounced into the room, gay even in funereal black. She saw her brother and sister sitting together and was instantly jealous. "Plotting, plotting. Something nifty, I hope?" David gave her a look that silenced her immediately. She actually flinched. He was hard hit by his father's death and showed it. He and his father had never gotten along. Whether David could admit it or not, there had been several times when he had wished his father dead. But once the old man was gone, David missed him. Gem, however, was quick to push her grief aside, assuming she felt any. Her mind was on one matter and one matter only: money. She suggested that Lilian and David buy out her share of the house. She was sure they would agree, and they did. It was the first and last time the three of them agreed to anything with alacrity. Gem took her money and vanished within days. David and Lilian supposed that Gem had gone west, since she had mentioned Los Angeles, but they couldn't be sure. Indeed, they didn't much care. The day we laid Daddy in the ground marked the last day we stood in the same room together. Not that we planned it that way. Not that we would've ever guessed it would turn out that way. He and Lilian returned to their respective universities: He to Howard law in Washington, D.C.; she to study French literature as a Cornell undergraduate in Ithaca, New York. She would earn a Phi Beta Kappa key. Whether or not their chauvinist father had wanted to admit it, Lilian was the family brain. Gem had had the talent to develop into a gifted and memorable if radical poet, but she had dissipated her ability. After two years of cutting the rug and doing the bumpty-bump, dancing her semesters away, she'd quit her studies at the University of Southern California. But if Gem failed to live up to Daddy's hopes, then so did I. Standing in his room that March evening, he felt a familiar surge of shame. Yes, he had kept his promise to Augustus, but it had been to the letter -- not in the spirit -- of the old man's wishes. Over the past four years, he'd wandered far from his father's mansion. Could he find his way back? He had no choice. He had to, if he was to understand Lilian's death and regain control of his father's house. David closed the closet door. He went to the window, parted the curtains, and looked out. The street seemed deserted, except for an old man walking his Doberman. David stood there thoughtfully for a minute or two, then let the curtain drop, went to the door, and left. A few steps to the right and down the corridor and he was in front of the master bedroom. He put his hand on the doorknob, but then hesitated. This was the room in which it had happened. He dreaded the sight of it. Yet he felt compelled to view it. Perhaps standing in this room would help him accept the reality of her death...of her suicide. He twisted the knob very gently and slowly pushed the door open. The strong smell of fresh paint rushed out from the closed room, stinging his nostrils. Catching his breath, he paused on the threshold. He didn't know what he had expected to feel, but it wasn't the odd sensation that overcame him. He felt as though he were standing before a museum diorama set up to replicate Lilian's room. This subdued, muted place could not be real. It lacked the familiarity, the homeyness of Lilian's room. It could not be the genuine article. But it is, he told himself. In the cold light of that March evening, the room was dim. Lilian's combs, brushes, and hand mirror were laid out on the dressing table. Her hairpins were neatly aligned on a little mirrored tray. Delicate perfume bottles by Lalique were arranged to one side. The bed's counterpane was obviously new, as were the curtains at the windows. On the night table next to her bed lay her Bible, closed but with strips of red, yellow, and blue ribbon inside it to hold her place. Family photographs of their parents and of her with Gem and himself were artfully arranged atop the chest of drawers opposite the foot of her bed. A sad smile touched his lips. Even a picture of a stray puppy Lilian had adopted as a child was there. He let his eyes drift over the dresser top once more and frowned. Something was missing. At first he didn't know what it was. Then it hit him. All those photographs of Lilian and the family, but not one of her husband. Why not? Why, if she'd loved him -- if they'd had a good marriage -- were there no photos of him on display with the others in her room? "Mr. Jameson moved out after it happened," said a voice behind him. David turned. It was Annie. "He took another room," she said. David nodded. He could understand that. He certainly wouldn't have wanted to continue to sleep in a room in which his wife had bled to death. He took a few steps into the room. Annie followed him, and they paused at the foot of the four-poster bed. "Is this where she did it?" She nodded. "Mr. Jameson had a new mattress brought in." She gave a little shudder and hugged herself. Her gaze went to the base of the windowsill. "Sometimes...sometimes I ask the Lord why I had t'be the one t'find her. But I s'pose it was better me than someone who didn't love her. I was there when she came into the world. It was only right that I be there when she left it." Bending down, David brushed his fingertips over the new counterpane. A pale ivory, it would have pleased Lilian. He turned to Annie. "Tell me about it...about how it was when you found her." Annie paused, then said: "She suffered a bad death, Mr. David, a real bad death. They say you shouldn't never touch nothin', so I left the knife right there on the bed where it was, but I did close her eyes. And I laid a blanket over her. Then I called the police. And sat down in the room t'keep that last wait with her. I thought about all the years gone by and the thousands of kind things Miss Lilian done for me. I'da never imagined her goin' like that. She was such a lovely young woman, so very sweet. She was a lady, a real fine lady." David's gaze went again to the photos. "That, she was..." "Them cops sure took their sweet time comin'. It was just the death of another colored woman t'them. They didn't know nothin' 'bout how wonderful Miss Lilian was. And they wouldna cared. Me, I didn't mind the wait. I didn't like seein' her that way, but I knew it was likely the last time I'd see her at all." "The funeral...was it nice?" "Oh, yeah." She smiled. "It was somethin' t'see. And so many people showed up, so many. They had t'close the doors t'Saint Philip's t'keep the peace. But that was t'be expected. Seein' as how your family is so known and all, that was just t'be expected." "I wonder...how many of those people actually cared about her." She was thoughtful. "You know how people can be, Mr. David. You know how they can be. Lotsa folks who didn't have no time for her when she was sick, and lotsa others who never knowed her -- well, they all just had t'come...just had t'come an' see when that sweet child died." Copyright © 2000, 2002 by Persia Walker Excerpted from Harlem Redux by Persia Walker All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.
